


We All Scream For Ice Cream

by mokuyoubi



Series: Bingo Baby 2020 [4]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Death, All the pop culture references, Established Relationship, M/M, Multimedia, Quarantine, Spideypool Bingo 2020, Texting, but it's just a robber, covid 19 fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26994097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokuyoubi/pseuds/mokuyoubi
Summary: Wade is trying to pick up dinner, which would be a whole lot easier if everyone would just wear their masks. Text ficTechnically a fill for my Spideypool bingo spot "accidental murder" b/c I didn't know what tf to do with it, lol.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Bingo Baby 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613200
Comments: 7
Kudos: 122
Collections: Spideypool Bingo 2020 Round 2





	We All Scream For Ice Cream

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to be all fancy and do this with one of those fake iphone generators, but it kept getting fucked up, leaving out lines, and then I thought it wasn't super accessible in that format, so...fuck it. I might still do it at some point because I did like the way it looked when it worked, but it was just way too much effort for a goofy one-shot. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!
> 
> Also, I don't usually put images in my works, so please let me know if they don't show up for whatever reason, so I can fix it!

W: What do you want for dinner? I don’t wanna cook

P: blueberry pancakes

W: How about blueberry pizza

W: I’m only asking b/c I already ordered pizza

P: then why tf’d u ask me what I want

W: Given your general propensity for greasy meats and gooey white stuff I thought it was a safe bet

P: u r an ass

P: do NOT get blueberries on pizza

W: how about buttermilk

P: no i want pizza now

P:  


W: I thought that was my dick

P: 

W: I might misplace it from time to time but it always grows back the same size babe

W: I’m happy to break out the measuring tape

W: or we could go with a more hands on approach

P: maybe if u play ur cards right

P: off to a rocky start already

W: what if I bring you papa murphy’s

W: extra sausage

W: (the sausage is my dick)

P: got it thanks

P: if ur going to papa murphys be careful

P: quarantine has driven the masses crazy for garlic knots

P: they sell out by 5 😭

P: johnny almost got stampeded

W: tsk tsk that doesn’t sound safe

P: def not maintaining 6ft distance

P: ur taking ur life in ur hands

W: just call me Steven Tyler babe

W: livin’ on the edge

P: k well Ill just borrow a quote from dr zed:

P: try not to die!

W: Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.

W: with this black mask I look like fucking Aiden Pearce

P: u need a leather trench coat

W: black hat? Check. Black mask covering ¾ face? Check. Cell phone? Check. Jeans? Check. Gun? Check.

W: I was afraid I might feel compelled to rob Papa Murphy’s with it on

P: if removing the mask allows u to contain urself, by all means

P: as long as ur wearing dp mask

W: I guess I could have removed the jeans to break the pattern

W: though that might have caused other problems…

W: I mean, I don’t _think_ they have a sign up that says no pants no pizza 

W: but it might be one of those “implied social contract” dealies you’re always telling me about

P: u arnt wearing underwear???

W: ...maybe

P: fuck it its quarantine

P: boxers seem acceptable in public now

W: Like Mike Tyson or?

P: hes never acceptable for public

W: Oh shit

P: ?

W: there’s a douchebag that just walked in and he’s not wearing a mask

W: trigger finger’s feeling twitchy

P: No

P: i want my pizza

W: You never let me have any fun

P: we’ve talked about this 

P: murder =/= fun

W: …

W: in theory, if someone tripped, fell, and landed on my sword…

W: is that murder?

W: feels like negligent homicide at worst

W: asking for a friend

P: Wade

W: IT was an ACCiDENT

P: WADE

W: srsly babe

W: he was robbing the place that’s a perfect reason to wear a mask

W: like you’re just being an asshole at that point!

W: so really it’s a justifiable homicide

W: I was doing a public service

W:

W: are you pissed?

W: what if I bring home dessert?

W: blueberry pie with a thin slice of melted cheese?

W: did you know coldstone gives you the option to have a custom message written on a cake when you order one? 

W:

P: ill take the cake

P: but this doesnt mean ur forgiven

W: how about after we finish eating in, I eat out…

W: 👅 🍑💦

P: u can’t bribe me with sex

W: what if, hypothetically speaking, to show their gratitude, papa murphy’s gave me ALLLLL the garlic knots

P: u no nothing u could ever do would make me permanently angry at u

W: I’ll be back before you can say “coldstone creamery ice cream cake”

P: that’s kind of a mouthful

W: hey, that’s my line!

P: 🙄 coldstone creamery ice cr

“Were you standing right outside the door just waiting for me to send that?!”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do a quarantine fic, but I am also trying to fill my bingo, and honestly the accidental death one was the square I least wanted and had no idea how to do...until I decided to just smash them together. I didn't feel like doing angst, okay? And even if Wade was the one who died/came back, it was still gonna be angsty. So have this instead!
> 
> Some of this, including that actual picture of the coldstone cake, is from a conversation with my best friend, who is essentially my inspiration for Wade, lmao...(it was even funnier because he actually HAD just been in a wreck with his honda, and when he arrived for curbside pickup, the coldstone people lost their damn minds laughing.
> 
> [My card](https://moku-youbi.tumblr.com/post/631897591792238592/we-all-scream-for-ice-cream-rated-teen-wade-is), if anyone wants to leave any prompts. I'm sure you can all guess what my next fill is going to be...


End file.
